


The (Non)Accidental Acquisition of Stiles Stilinski

by whenshewrites



Series: A Collection of One-Shots and Tumblr Prompts [55]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Accidental kidnapping, Alpha Laura Hale, Alternate Universe, Bad Friend Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Beta Derek Hale, Derek Hale is Not Amused, Derek Hale is Not a Failwolf, Except Not So Accidental, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Meddling Laura Hale, One Shot, Or He's Not Great, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Pre-Slash, Spark Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski Is So Done, Stiles Stilinski is a Little Shit, Stiles Stilinski is a Mess, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24989779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenshewrites/pseuds/whenshewrites
Summary: Stiles didn’t go to a bar that night expecting to be kidnapped. But that seemed to be that.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Series: A Collection of One-Shots and Tumblr Prompts [55]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956889
Comments: 60
Kudos: 779





	The (Non)Accidental Acquisition of Stiles Stilinski

Stiles didn’t go to a bar that night expecting to be kidnapped. 

He had struggled through an entire day of classes and Scott had promised to take him out afterward if he didn’t kill himself first. But then Allison texted and… well, Allison. That’s all that needed to be said about that subject.

Stiles hadn’t gone to a bar that night expecting to be kidnapped, but he really should’ve. Things like that always seemed to happen to him these days.

After his day of craptastic college classes, he just wanted to drink his sorrows away and unwind. And things were going great until the bartenders switched out and the woman opposite him took one look his way and proceeded to go all serial-killery.

Stiles had been nursing his rum and coke for about an hour now, so it wasn’t a refill he was looking for when she practically zoomed over. The woman had dark brown hair and sharp green eyes, and she looked a little scary if Stiles was being honest. He really didn’t want to make conversation.

She didn’t give him the opportunity to say no.

“Well,” the woman said, resting her elbows on the counter and leaning toward him. “What do we have here?”

Stiles arched a brow and chuckled nervously. “Um, hello?”

“You don’t look twenty-one, sweetie.”

A lump formed in his throat and Stiles fished out his wallet, showing his ID. It was fake, but it well done, and he’d never been caught before. Even if Scott did like to say he still had the face of a high schooler.

The woman looked over it and Stiles could tell she wasn’t impressed. But to his surprise, she didn’t kick him out, just passed the ID back over. Her smile was even sharper this time.

“Well, Mie—”

“Stiles,” Stiles said, cutting her off before she could even attempt to butcher his real name. “Everyone just calls me Stiles.”

“Stiles,” the woman said, eyes glittering. “What are you doing here, Stiles?”

That was not the type of question he’d been expecting. Stiles cast an eye around the bar, noticing nervously how empty it really was, and chuckled. If she decided to murder him, would anyone see? Someone would have to see. But surely she wouldn’t murder him. That’d be bad for buisness. 

“Uh,” he said, wetting his lips. “Getting a drink?”

“Is that all?”

Stiles really didn’t know how to answer that, so he just stayed quiet. The woman’s smile turned darker.

Before he could react, she was taking his drink and turning away. Stiles made a surprised noise of protest but the woman just waved a hand over her shoulder, grabbing a few bottles and filling it from an angle so Stiles couldn’t quite see his glass. 

“It’s just a refill, sweetie. On the house.”

Stiles’s heart was thudding nervously against his chest when she turned back and pushed it over the counter toward him. It looked like rum and coke but he still didn’t think he wanted to drink it. Except, from the look in the woman’s eyes, he was terrified she might rip his throat out if he didn’t.

So, putting on a grin, Stiles lifted the glass to his lips and took a drink. The woman watched and Stiles drank until the glass was half-gone. Then he set it down again.

“Thanks for that,” he said, starting to push himself up. “But I really should be going.”

“Already?”

“Uh, yeah, I’ve got classes tomorrow and— Woah.”

The room was suddenly spinning and Stiles nearly tripped over his own feet, grabbing onto the counter for support. He felt like he’d done a lot more than drink a little bit of rum and as the room continued to spin, all he could do was sink back onto the barstool again.

His mouth felt weird. Like cotton. 

The woman had moved around the counter and Stiles blinked as she approached him. Fingers danced along his shoulder and panic started to build up in his throat. Stiles tried to say something— or maybe scream for help, but his mouth wasn’t moving. All that came out was an intelligent ‘hrrrrgh’ noise that made her smile.

Drugged, Stiles realized. He’d been drugged.

His dad was going to kill him.

“It’s alright,” the woman said, and Stiles could’ve sworn her saw sharp teeth when she smiled. “You’re just going to answer a few questions.”

He didn’t know what the hell that meant. But before he had a chance to protest, he was sliding sideways off the stool, surprisingly strong hands were catching him, and Stiles hear a whisper of other words before all he knew was black.

\- -

Derek didn’t expect to come back to his apartment that night and find a boy tied up in a chair in the middle of the room. In fact, he didn’t expect to come back to his apartment and find that. Ever. 

For a moment, he just stood there. His keys dangled from his fingers and he was pretty sure his mouth had dropped open. The boy was clearly unconscious, heart beating slowly and a thin line of drool running down his chin. His wrists were bound to each of the chair’s arms and he didn’t look any older than twenty. Or maybe he was even younger than eighteen. Derek couldn’t quite tell.

Derek stared for a moment longer and then snapped back to reality as Laura came strolling out of the kitchen, wiping her hands off on a dishcloth. She was smiling and raised an eyebrow as her eyes snapped from Derek, to the boy, and then back. Something mischievous danced in her eyes.

“Hey there, little bro. Have a good day off?”

“Laura, what the hell is this.”

“This?”

“That,” Derek said, gesturing in frustration at the boy. “It, him, whatever. Why the hell is there a teenager tied up in our living room?”

“Oh,” Laura said, smirking. She settled down on the couch and rested her chin on her hands, eyeing the kid. “His name is Stiles. I think he goes to Beacon Community College.”

None of that information did Derek any good. He stared at her for a long moment, not quite sure Laura hadn’t completely lost her mind.

“Laura,” Derek said carefully. “Why have you kidnapped and tied up a college student?”

“Smell him.”

Derek blinked. That had not been what he’d expected to hear. “What.”

“Smell him, Der. Just do it.”

Derek gave his sister a long look before moving toward the kid. If this was her idea of a joke, then he was definitely moving out. Except, when Derek leaned closer and took a deep whiff, he was yanking back in the second. The kid smelled the cinnamon and autumn leaves, and all of that was fine. But he also smelled like electricity. Electricity and the unmistakable scent of a strange Alpha.

“What is he,” Derek said in a growl. Laura smiled all teeth.

“Human.”

“But he smells--”

“Spark, maybe,” she amended. “One with an Alpha.”

“How’d you come across him?”

“He came into our bar.”

Derek felt his hackles rise and glanced back at the boy. His heartbeat was picking up a little and Derek could tell he was on the verge of waking up. Which could either be a good thing, or something very bad. “Laura, are you sure this is a good--”

Amber eyes snapped open and the kid made a noise between a squawk and a squeak.

This was a terrible idea.

“Oh my god!” Stiles said, trying to yank away. Except, he was firmly bound to the chair and Derek knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Clearly, the kid realized that too because his heartbeat picked up and his scent soured with fear. 

Derek wrinkled his nose and took a step back. Stiles looked at him in terror.

“Are you going to kill me? Please don’t kill me. I have money! A little bit of money. Please, just let me go.”

Derek gave Laura a flat look and she grinned, pushing herself up and moving over. Stiles made another noise of panic and wiggled around in his chair.

“We’re not going to kill you,” Laura said. “As long as you answer our questions correctly.”

Derek resisted the urge to facepalm. 

“Okay,” Stiles said, babbling. “Okay, okay, I can do that. I can answer questions correctly! I mean, as long as they’re not insanely hard questions. Like, I suck at math. But I’m really good at memorizing old and unimportant facts, so I’m pretty excellent in history. Are you going to ask me questions about history?”

This was such a terrible idea. Laura glanced over and her expression was nothing but amused. Derek wanted to say that this was all her fault. 

Then she turned back toward Stiles and flashed her red eyes, and Derek flashed his blue ones. Stiles froze, heartbeat picking up in pace again, and Laura’s smile widened. For a moment, the kid just stared at them. And then he picked up in his struggles all over again.

“Oh my god, oh my god, why is it always me? Why am I always the one kidnapped? How is that even fair?”

“Stop struggling,” Derek said, crossing his arms. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“And why the hell do you care, Mr. Werewolf? You’re the one that kidnapped me! Probably to kill me or something even worse.”

“There’s something even worse?”

“I don’t know! This is like an every other week occurrence now!”

Derek’s eyebrows flew up and Laura looked intrigued. Stiles finally stopped struggling after a few more tries, slumping in his seat and going lax in submission. But when Laura stepped closer, he flinched a little.

Derek wasn’t sure why that bothered him.

“So,” Stiles said, voice small now. “What is it, huh? You want to know about Scott and his pack? Because I’ll die before I hand them over. I just hope you know that.”

And Laura stilled. She glanced back at Derek, but he didn’t have any words. Gently, she laid a hand on Stiles’s shoulder. He shivered. “I told you we’re not going to hurt you.”

“But you do want to know about Scott?” Stiles sounded bitter. 

“We don’t even know who Scott is,” Derek said. “But you went into Laura’s bar smelling like another Alpha werewolf. Usually… that’s a warning of future conflict to come.”

Stiles looked at him in surprise. Then he glanced at Laura and tilted his head. “Laura, huh? Well, at least I get one of the names of my kidnappers before I die.”

Laura rolled her eyes. “I’m Laura and that’s my little brother, Derek. And he’s right. You should know better than to walk into a wolf’s territory smelling like another wolf.”

“Well I didn’t know you were a werewolf,” Stiles said in a grumble. “Although I guess that would make sense. You’re seriously scary. And strong.”

That startled a laugh out of his sister. Derek just narrowed his eyes and stared.

He didn’t know what to make of this kid.

“I seriously just wanted a drink,” Stiles said. “Guess it’s a good thing Scott didn’t come with me, though. Would that have started like, a pack war? Oh my god, would you have ripped our throats out?”

“Your Alpha would’ve realized I was a wolf,” Laura said. “But it wouldn’t have been good.”

“Oh,” Stiles said. “He’s not my Alpha. I mean, not really. He’s my best friend and I’ve basically saved his werewolf ass a dozen times these past few years, but I’m kind of distanced from the supernatural stuff. I still get kidnapped, but that’s just life, you know?”

Derek stared at him. Because that wasn’t just life.

Laura seemed baffled too.

“So, can you cut me out of the ropes now?” Stiles asked, glancing between them. “Because scary brows was right and I think I did hurt myself just a little bit. You tied these things really tight.”

“Scary brows?” the words tumbled out of Derek’s mouth before he could stop them. Stiles looked at him with a smirk and shrugged.

“Dude, the eyebrows. Very scary. A little sexy. Probably shouldn’t be such a turn on.”

And Derek felt his face turn hot. 

Laura choked on a laugh and leaned forward, slicing through the ropes with a claw. Stiles grinned, rubbing at his slightly red wrists. He pushed himself up and glanced around, before whistling appreciatively. 

“Nice place you’ve got here. So running a bar comes with some perks, then?”

“Some,” Laura said, sounding amused. “Sorry for kidnapping you.”

“It’s fine,” Stiles said, waving a hand through the air. He started to wander around the apartment and Derek didn’t know how to react to that either, as he touched things that didn’t belong to him and even poked his head into the kitchen before coming out with a grin. “It happens a lot.”

“You do realize it shouldn’t,” Derek said, the words spilling out before he could stop them once more. “Right?’

Stiles arched a brow at him. “I mean, I guess?”

“You guess.”

“Come on, dude, squishy human here! When you smell like the werewolf that people seriously like to attempt to kill for some reason, it just makes sense. I’ve seen witches, warlocks, and a fair amount of hunters. I think they’re the worst.”

Derek stared at him. For some reason, he wanted to snarl at those words. But at the same time, he couldn’t wrap his head around Stiles and the words that he was saying.

“I mean, it’s usually fine,” Stiles said. “I’m not dead yet, so…”

Derek didn’t know what to say and what to do. From Laura’s face, she didn’t either. Stiles finished his self-tour of the apartment and glanced toward the door.

“So, am I allowed to leave then? This has been quite fun and all, but I’ve got classes tomorrow. And I, uh, haven’t studied for my Psych exam yet.”

Derek wasn’t sure why, but the idea of the kid leaving now that he had admitted all these things made Derek uncomfortable. Next to him, Laura seemed to be thinking the same thing. Because shewed on her lower lip for a second before shaking her head.

“No, sorry, you are kidnapped now. Consider this an intervention.”

Stiles’s heart skipped a beat. He froze in place and studied them both before chuckling nervously. “You’re joking, right? This is a joke. Ha-ha, very funny.”

“I’m not kidding,” Laura said. “Derek, grab more rope.”

Stiles’s eyes rounded and he took a step back, throwing up his hands. Derek hesitated, giving his sister a questioning look, and she raised an eyebrow. But then Stiles was babbling again.

“Okay, okay, okay, look,” he said. “It’s really not that big of a deal. You can’t kidnap a guy for getting kidnapped! That’s counterproductive! And my dad’s the Sheriff. He’d be severely pissed and probably throw both of you in jail.”

Laura huffed a laugh. Stiles slowly lowered his hands.

“You’re not really keeping me here, are you?”

“The Alpha’s not your Alpha,” Derek said through gritted teeth. “But you still get involved and get hurt.”

“Well, he is my best friend.”

“Some best friend.”

“I’m sorry,  _ Sourwolf,  _ what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Derek blinked at the nickname. Laura looked like she was trying not to choke on a laugh again and Stiles crossed the room, poking a finger into Derek’s chest. He resisted the urge to snap at Stiles’s hand. 

“Scotty would be dead a thousand times over if not for me. And don’t forget that I never ask to be kidnapped! If a bullseye on my back is what happens for protecting my best friend’s life, then I’ll take it. You don’t have the right to dictate my life!”

Derek glared at him. Laura quickly stepped forward.

“Fine,” she said, surprising them both. “You’ve made your decision, you can go. We’re not going to hold you back.”

Stiles looked suspiciously at her and slowly lowered his hand. He glanced back at Derek, then over at the door. “Really?”

“Really. Do you need a ride somewhere? We’re only a block down from the bar.”

Stiles eyed her again. Then he moved toward the door and placed one hand on the knob as if he expected her to suddenly change her mind. Derek didn’t know what the hell his sister was up to, but he really didn’t think Stiles should be walking out right now.

He also didn’t know why he cared. That was stupid. So stupid.

“Go ahead,” Laura said. Stiles twisted the knob and opened the door.

Derek could hear Stiles’s heartbeat pick up in pace as he placed one foot out into the hall, still watching them. Then he placed the other. He was half leaning into the apartment now and a small grin cracked across his face as he realized Laura was serious. His suspicious attitude melted away and he straightened.

“Well, thanks for the kidnapping then. This was fun, we should do it again! Except not. Because you both still scare me.”

Laura’s smile was all teeth and Derek just stood there. Stiles grinned at him, blowing a kiss, then the boy was stepping back, the door swung closed, and Derek blinked at it.

Then he rounded on his sister. But before he could get a word out, she lifted a finger.

Silence reigned for a moment. Laura waited for another few seconds and then sighed, dropping her hand. She started toward the kitchen and Derek chased after her.

“Laura, what the hell was tha--”

“I’m taking you off your shift tomorrow,” Laura said. “Also, Stiles’s jacket is in a heap next to the door. I trust that should be enough for you to find his scent again?”

Derek blinked at her. Laura smirked.

“If his Alpha best friend won’t keep an eye on him then we will.”

“You’re willing to do that for the kid.”

His sister shrugged and started making herself tea as if this as a normal everyday occurrence. Derek was pretty sure it wasn’t. But then again, he didn’t Stiles was a normal everyday occurrence.

“I like him,” Laura said. And that seemed to be that.

And… maybe it was.

Derek turned back to look at the door, along with the red hoodie that laid in a crumpled heap next to it, and he couldn’t believe this had become his evening. He hadn’t expected any of this. Ever.

But that seemed to be that.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: "please … i have money , just let me go" and I didn't actually mean it to reach 3k words. But I had fun with it! And... there's a chance there might be more? Cause I could see this becoming a fic. Either way, I'd love to hear what you guys thought!
> 
> Come hang with me on Tumblr?
> 
> [the dumpster](https://when-she-writes-stuff.tumblr.com/)


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